Who I Am

Posted on May 12, 2013 by Dawn Muench under Gratitude, Intentional living, Mindfulness, Running

Until I was stopped mid-“run” (pun intended) last fall by a “pre-stress fracture” in my foot, I think I’ve always been running in some way. Before I started physically running, looking back, it seems I was always running toward something- some goal or marker or idea of perfection. Or running from something- a thought, a fear, a memory or just time to think. Or running in circles sometimes- saying one thing, wanting another, doing something entirely different and not realizing why I couldn’t seem to get out of the “ruts” my circular running was causing.

I’ve learned so much in the last 2, 3, 5 years that sometimes I have this idea that I’m done learning, but that never seems to be the case as I “learned” in September when a little nagging pain in my foot just wouldn’t go away. The MRI showed swelling in one of the tiny foot bones and the doctor/husband said “no running for 4 weeks minimum” (verified by other doctor/non-husbands) and so I was left being still. It took me about a week of crying, quietly raging, rationalizing and dramatizing before I finally settled down my mind and heart enough to realize there was more learning to be had.

As I thought back over the last few weeks, no less than 5 people whom I trust and respect immensely had suggested I might be a little too busy- “running” too much perhaps- both literally and figuratively. Although my filled-to-the-hour calendar (that is always with me) supported their suggestions, I couldn’t understand why I would need to change something that was “working” so well so far (ha!) and so I decided they were ALL mistaken and I could handle it. (Insert text about bone swelling above). I decided since I had nothing to lose exactly (and I was limited to non-impact exercise anyway) I would try to create some space in my schedule and “cross-training” in my health- physical and otherwise.

I started doing Pilates twice a week and discovered (after a week of a bad attitude), that is a perfect addition to a runner’s routine. It is incredibly mental, immediately encouraging and provides a lot of additional benefits that allowed me to stop physical therapy, some medications AND see changes in my strength that I’d just given up on ever having. I started sleeping an extra hour, taking a bath most nights and taking at least 2 rest days a week from aerobic exercise. I started getting up earlier and spending time reading and praying/meditating. I started being more intentional about reading- both fun/fiction books and those that pertained to things I like or thought I did. I started having time to talk to people and to really listen because my mind wasn’t spinning on super-high speed at all times, reminding me of all I had left to do in a second-hand timer countdown that never stopped. I realized that as much as I loved seeing every hour with an activity planned, that in some ways I was using that to keep “running” and basically my body realized before my mind and heart did that I was just plain tired.

What I realized several weeks into this period was that if I was really honest with myself- which is still an evolving concept- I had no idea who I was. So many things I thought I knew and loved, I was finding maybe I didn’t like so much. And so many things I just knew I vehemently hated, I actually had never given appropriate thought and consideration. I discovered so many preconceived ideas, and weird associations that I couldn’t even logically trace back, and also discovered a lot of jealousy, envy, fear, pride and competition way down deep in myself that I hadn’t really been aware of on a conscious level for a long time- maybe ever.

When I really started thinking about it, I could trace things even back to childhood and high-school, where my confusion with myself started. (Recently posted facebook pictures- thanks Anna- made it pretty clear that my angst was being expressed in direct proportion to the height of my hair).

Photo: Last one for #tbt #highschoolprom1992 #beautifulgirls #bigbadhair #noflatironsbackthen

When I was with the “church friends” I was “church-y”. In the band, I tried to be the best, but even first chair saxophone I alternately shared with Jill and Cinnamon depending on the week. I tried being “fun” and “sporty” and “girly” and “hard-working”. I tried being the “best” resident and the “best” fellow (epic fail), the best doctor, the best pediatrician, the best military officer-the BEST whatever it is I was seeing someone else do at the moment, never quite reaching the bar I set for myself. Any time I was let in to the “cool” crowd, I tried my best to be “cool” but the truth is: Deep down- I’m just not that cool!! (Is that why I love that Will Hoge song so much?!).

What I realized during all this reflection is that all that trying to be the best is EXHAUSTING.

Oddly enough, running is the first thing in my life I have loved and have never felt the need to be the best at. I don’t run to race and I don’t race to win anything and in fact sometimes I go slower just so I’ll keep that ever-creeping competitive part of me out of my running. I don’t want it there. So maybe it’s no surprise that in losing my running for a period, I entered this state of figuring out what it is I really love- who it is I really am. And here’s what I found:

I am a writer.
I am a runner.
I am an encourager.
I am a teacher/educator.
I am a reader.
I am a thinker.
I am an empathizer.
I am a traveler.
I am an adventurer.
I am passionate.
I am all about “the moment”.

That list is short, there are a lot of things that aren’t on it and it is surprisingly refreshing and happy and makes me feel peaceful and free when I look at it.

(A recent trip with my friend Pam where I got to incorporate every one of those things above!).

So in the end, I’ve come to be more comfortable with who I am. More comfortable with really living out Hebrews 12:1b. It’s true- my yard always needs a little work, and that raised garden bed so far just has pretty flowers/weeds growing in it. My house always needs to be swept and the meals I cook are good not great. My blog posts are too long and too rambly and I write too infrequently. I don’t play the piano, guitar, violin or handbells. I don’t have any kids, and my birthday cards and gifts are always 2 days late, as I am always 4 minutes late. I don’t like big parties and I cry more than is probably normal for all kinds of reasons. I over-react and I apologize alot. I can’t take a good picture to save my life and when I play drawing games, I ALWAYS have to explain (“NO, it’s a cat!).

But I’m learning who I am and that I sort of like myself sometimes- a novel concept for me.

I’d love to hear who you are- and how you figured that out?

A lovely weekend

Posted on April 6, 2013 by Dawn Muench under Chapel Hill Presbyterian Church, Friendship, Gratitude, Mindfulness, Nature, Retreat, Seabeck conference center

Good morning!!

I’m writing from the beautiful- in that PAC NW rainy/drizzly kind of beauty, where the trees drip and the clouds hug low and you feel nostalgic in a good kind of way beauty I mean- Seabeck Conference Center in Washington. I’m here on a Women’s retreat where we’ve been forbidden to wear make-up or use our cell phones (shhhh… Don’t tell!!) and the theme is “Being known”.

I’m excited about 36 hours of enjoying nature and other girls- new and good friends alike- and am looking forward to a beautiful run this afternoon.

I am so grateful also that our conference speaker is one of my absolute favorite writers- Margaret Manning- who works with Ravi Zacharias ministries and helps answer people’s questions.

I’ll be back online soon, but in the meantime, here’s a post for my amazingly gifted friend Stephanie May’s really cool website The Lipstick Gospel- check her out- her way with words and pictures is guaranteed to make you say ” Yes, Me too!!”.

Enjoy these “loveliest things” post as I’m preparing for a lovely day.

Here’s to a lovely weekend! I’d love to hear what makes a weekend “lovely” for you!?!

April follows Lent

Posted on April 1, 2013 by Dawn Muench under Gratitude, Intentional living, Mindfulness, Uncategorized, Whispered Wednesdays

WW # 11, 12 and 13 have come and gone and somehow one quarter of this year of Whispered Wednesdays is over. The light hangs on more every day, and we are no longer relegated to seeing daylight only if we steal a quick glance out of our windows at work mid-day. The temperatures are slowly rising and I actually went for a run this weekend in a light shirt and no hat or gloves, which reminds me that after the dark but cozy resting time of winter, comes the promise of spring. The roots that have been maintaining life below ground are sending up the first evidences of this next season of growth, and although the limited sun at our place means no flowers yet, all around me my friends’ tulips and daffodils are debuting this year’s fashionable colors. All the waiting of Lent and the acknowledgement of sacrifice and the focus on the purpose of the season (literally) “springs” forth on Easter to announce- “I’m here”. A glorious day reading and writing and reflecting and resting in the sun was just the way to celebrate this start of the next month.

As I reflected in my journals and “books I’ve read folder” and did some writing this afternoon, I realized that this project of intentional simplicity I committed to has had some unanticipated results. While I imagined that these Wednesdays would be really difficult and long to get through- filled with the “sacrifices” of limited food, activity, decisions and money, what I’ve found is that in some ways, I didn’t make them quite difficult enough. I’m finding it’s not that difficult to go without most anything for 24 hours, but I am finding it INCREDIBLY inconveinent to do so. I’m finding this is the theme of those Wednesday’s: not the pain of doing without something I need or miss, but the annoyance at not being able to get or do something I want. As the days go on though, I am learning. I am learning to check the gas tank on Tuesday morning to make sure I can make it through to Thursday. I’m learning to make sure there’s enough fruit in the house on Monday and Tuesday to make it to the weekend. I’m learning to set alarms and notifications to remind me to do things that if missed on Tuesday, will have to wait until Thursday. I wrote in earlier posts about mindFULLness and about meditation and how they are gifts and habits that help us focus on the minutes and the hours. By thinking about the food I’m eating- where it came from, the people who played a part in getting it to me, how blessed I am to live in a place where fresh food is available and how I have money enough to be able to buy not only what I need but what I want, I am able to focus on those who don’t have those luxuries. To pray for them and think of ways that I can do more to share my blessings with those around me. By making plans to ensure things are taken care of before Wednesday starts, I am able to rest, and avoid rush and pressure to do things last minute- to focus on how thankful I am to have a car that works, a credit card to buy the gas, a job to go to, and colleagues that care about me personally. I am learning that planning for Wednesdays requires intentional planning (so that I can live intentionally) but that it is transferring into other aspects of my life. I found myself today (Sunday) spending an extra couple of minutes in meditation, grateful for the sun and the water I could hear while sitting on my front porch. I could see 20 different colors and hear birds and scampering squirrels and shut my book and my mind long enough to simply recognize those gifts.

As we head into April, I’m finding myself somewhat excited about what’s ahead. There are plenty of upcoming races, which means “vacations” and destinations and experiences shared with friends. There are graduations and birthdays and weddings to celebrate and days warm enough to camp and the promise of summer in the Pac NW which means glorious stretches of sun-filled days. Our Seachange module this month is “Exercise” and although this is already a part of my life that is non-negotiable, I’m excited about new ways of looking at exercise and some ideas I have to celebrate the month.

In fact, I’m writing this post to invite you to ”play” with me in one of these ideas if you’d like. I did not grow up participating in Len,t but for the last several years have given something up during that season along with those who have done this their entire lives. Each year I have come to understand more both the symbolism and the purpose of this practice. As I thought this weekend about the end of Lent, I wondered if it might be fitting to in turn commit to DO something specific each day for the next month. Combining that with the exercise module and my upcoming several races, I decided to commit to running or walking each day in the month of April. There is an easy 2, 3 or 4 mile loop starting right outside my front door and I am going to make that loop somehow each day. To mark this, there is a certain spot on the run that is a beautiful picture spot, so I’ll snap a pic there each day and stop to be mindful of all the blessings I have that allow me to be able to do that. Feet, health, a home, a camera, time and money and motivation and inspiration and beauty.

One of the first steps to sticking to any habit is announcing it to others- it’s proven that people are more likely to do something if they’ve told others they are going to. If you’d like to commit to do something- anything- each day in April- I’d love it if you’d share it with me here! Maybe you will walk a loop like me each day, or maybe you’ll take the same picture each day for a month of something, anything. Maybe you’ll get up 15 minutes early to meditate, pray or read something you never make time for. Maybe there’s something else you have been putting off for the right time? What about now?

Link

A Spoiled Slow Learner (WW # 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Yes my intention was to write weekly this year to document all the lessons from Whispered Wednesdays. Yes that is still my intention but I’m finding that working on the balance between “should”, “must” and “can” is one of the things I’m learning from this whole “project”. And so here are the lessons from the last 6 Wednesdays in a nutshell:
Attempting to intentionally live more simply and mindfully in the United States is possible. Succeeding at it is really difficult. (Tweet that)
I don’t mean to suggest that it’s impossible. I am quite certain there are people who are succeeding at it. Every day I have more humble respect for those people and more realization of just how much of a mindless, multitasking, media-driven, me-centered life I live. For example:
- on WW #6, I got up read by candlelight, drank my coffee from my WW coffee cup, fixed my lunch for the day to meet the food requirements and promptly put on my make up and ran out the door. Didn’t even think about it until that afternoon.
- on WW #7, I got an email notification that my Christianity Today magazine was expired. Hit the “renew now” link without even thinking about it. No thought to the money, the process- nope just “renew” now please. This was after watching a one hour video on mindfulness and how to incorporate it into your life. Epic fail on that one.
- on WW#8, I COMPLETELY over-reacted to something that was a complete misunderstanding based on my lack of self-control and inability to WAIT 5 minutes to think things through at times. See above re epic fail.
- on WW #9, I had the chance to share with someone I didn’t know well what this whole project was about, and although I haven’t been hiding it or hesitant to talk about it at all really, for some reason I sort of avoided it. It wasn’t obvious and no one will ever know but me, but I missed a chance to possibly hear someone else’s take on life in the US fast lane.
- on WW #10 (this past week), I was one second away from hitting “download” for a new album on iTunes when I caught myself and stopped. Not a big deal, right? I can download it the next day (and I did ) but in that second you wouldn’t BELIEVE the talk I had with myself about how it was just a music, and it wasn’t technically “buying” anything b/c my iTunes account is connected to my credit card and probably wouldn’t go through until the next day anyway…seriously. I’m an adult, right? BUT I didn’t buy it so I am counting that as a non-epic fail.

For the last two weeks I’ve been sick with that viral respiratory thing that seems to have attacked about 94% of the US population (thanks cruise) and have been forced to live “simply” (read: too tired to do anything but work, sleep, read). During that time I finished one of the best books I’ve ever read called Margin. There’s also this book called “The Bible” that talks a lot about living simply and getting rid of all the stuff that “hinders” real life. I’m also participating in Leo Babauta’s Seachange program (which I highly recommend) and our module this month is on “meditation” and mindfulness and how to easily incorporate that into your life. Those 3 things together have helped to balance some of the issues I’m talking about here.

While lying around the last two weeks I didn’t have a lot of choice about living simply and what I realized was this: The world didn’t fall apart. Sure there was stuff that didn’t get done. There are tons of things on last week’s “to do” list that are getting pushed right over to this week’s list, but you what else I did? If you know me, this is gonna shock you but: I let some things fall off my list! Like, thought about them, watched them fall off and said “well, ok, so there that goes.” For instance, I’ve apparently decided I’m not going to grow a big garden. Ok, well there’s a thing I’ve had on my list for oh, a decade or so that I’m just gonna let go of. I love my CSA, I’m a vegetarian and will continue to eat my vegetables, I just won’t grow them and that’s ok. I’ve always heard/known/understood that whole self-improvement rule of “learning to say no” and honestly have been pretty intentional about clearing some things out of my life in the last year or so, but never really understood it in the sense that I think I do now. There are a lot of things I love to do, like to do, would like to do, would like to like to do and could do. Many of them are not inherently good or bad of themselves and there is no real way to even prioritize some of them. But I can’t do everything I would like to do, and I can’t even do a lot of the things I would love to do, but I can do some of the things I want to do and let the others go. Maybe for now, maybe for ever. By doing that, I clear out room to really do those things that do stay on the list. To have some margin to rest, and to unexpectedly meet a friend who needs to talk for coffee or a run- to actually look them in the eyes with my phone left in the car and LISTEN to what they are saying. Time to do less multi-tasking and more mindful awareness of what I AM doing. Time to think about how blessed I am to be able to hit a button on my phone that connects to my money and pays for an album that I can listen to 2 minutes later while driving.

So, although this was somewhat jumbled, my goal is just to get my thoughts down, so I’m avoiding the temptation to judge myself on my writing skills (as compared to all those amazing writers above- check out my “cups I love to read” link), flashy blog special effects or lack of ability to stick to my weekly writing commitment. I’m putting into practice the things I learned from the books above (Margin, The Bible), and working on my commitment to simply live more simply.

What about you? Is this concept of living more intentionally and simply one that you think about? How does that look in your life? What are your struggles? Have you read the book “Margin”? If not, would you like to? I have 4 copies left and if you tell me why you want one and who you’ll pass it on to after you read it, it’s yours! (If more than 4 people request one I’ll do some sort of fair drawing, but my blog isn’t quite at the level that I’m too worried about that)- Ha!

Guatemalan Fruit Salad

Posted on February 12, 2013 by Dawn Muench under Friendship, Fruit of the spirit, Mission trips, Whispered Wednesdays, Wrecked

Guatemala. The map tells me exactly how many miles away it is, but now I know, it’s not that far at all.

Since I’ve been back, several different people have said/written to me a similar sentiment: “I hope you found what you were looking for”, which honestly has made me stop and think. On the one hand, I am humbled and honored to be considered a “seeker”. I think of people like Brennan Manning and Thomas Merton and C. S. Lewis. Of Teresa of Avila and Donald Miller and Philip Yancey. I have trouble putting myself in their company, and am not at all sure that is how the comments were intended. In fact, there is another part of me that is a little defensive and confused. Is that how I appear to others? Lost, searching, anchor-less? Or is it just a case of the usual semantics confusion and misunderstanding of busy-ness and conversations cut short?

If I’m honest, I guess I can see where I might seem a little “crazy” from the outside. After all, I am pretty open about my plans to get out of the army and probably medicine in the fall, as well as the fact that I’m pretty unsure of what I plan to do after that. But the truth is, despite that, I am more peaceful than I have been in a long long time. And although it’s taken me a few days to put coherent words to the multitude of thoughts, sights and experiences of the trip, I am more certain than ever that that peace is the real thing.

From the very beginning I knew this trip wasn’t about anything I was going to do. I found the details sort of working themselves out despite my lack of planning or worry and almost before I even knew it I was stepping off a plane in Guatemala with a group of 20 soon-to-be close friends. The next 4 days were full of plenty of walking, seeing, laughing, praying, doing and loving. I met more selfless, gentle, peaceful people than I could have imagined, and at times the kindness and goodness and patience were almost unbelievable in their pervasiveness. I am sure there will be more to say, but as I have thought back over the time I am struck again and again by the fruit of Him that I saw, experienced, received- for four sweet days when the real world and time as I usually experience it sort of just stood still. So while I wasn’t searching for anything specific, I sure found some amazing gifts:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Love: An intense feeling of deep emotion

Joy: Great pleasure, happiness, delight, gladness

Steph joy bu

Peace: Quiet and tranquility, calm, stillness

Patience: Capacity to accept or tolerate suffering without getting angry or upset

Kindness: Quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate

Goodness: Generousity, virtuous, excellence of quality

Faithfulness: Loyal, adhering firmly and devotedly

Gentleness: Tenderness, power under control

Self-control: Soundness of mind, moderation, restraint, choosing the important thing over the urgent thing

These amazing pictures were taken by Stephanie May (5,9,10,14), Alene Snodgrass (6,8,13), Katie Axelson (3,11,20) Susan Stillwell (1) and Emily Gallimore (2,4,7.15,19). The others were taken on cell phones :)

MindLESSness vs MindFULLness (WW #5)

Posted on February 3, 2013 by Dawn Muench under Friendship, Nature, Races, Running

I spent last weekend on the amazingly beautiful Orcas Island where I ran in the Orcas Island 25K trail race put on by the creator of Rainshadow Running. It was simultaneously one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and one of the most beautiful races I’ve ever run all wrapped up in a perfect weekend in a cabin at Doebay Resort, arrangements courtesy of my super-organized and fellow “moment appreciator” Pam. I had some time to think and breathe while driving to and from the Island, and of course while running (you can see the inspiration below). It was truly 2 days of intense “mindFULLness”.

Then it was back to work for 4 days intermixed with unpacking, repacking, recovering from the intense physical exercise, being on call at work, bad news related to work/military life (no deployments but I’m not quite ready to talk more about this yet- more soon), keeping up with friends, family and my husband (who often quietly plays video games through my intense frenzy (?lunacy?) when I get overstressed). WW #5 came and went and it was a quieter day than Tuesday and Thursday and I was able to focus many times on turning physical discomfort to appreciation/prayer for my three sponsored families and some friends going through hard times- so there was MindFULLness there. I spent much of Friday in a frenetic haze of checklists, tasks, worry, rushing, work and racing thoughts- essentially a place of mindLESSness as I couldn’t tell you much of anything I did during that time between waking up and getting dropped off at the airport…which leads me to the next “event”:
I’m going to Guatemala. Like, now. (not sure if I’ll even be able to post this before I go). If you are thinking “I didn’t know she was going to Guatemala” well, don’t take it personal, b/c I didn’t know either until about a month ago, and even then it was somewhat uncertain, unplanned and out of my control. It all started a year or two ago when I decided I might not want to be a doctor anymore and I wanted life to be simpler and my Dad (twitter @dowford who incidentally is my favorite writer of all time) forwarded me a blog from a guy named Leo Babauta from his zenhabits site, which somehow through some linking led me to this guy Jeff Goins who wrote a book called “Wrecked” about, well, getting Wrecked and he invited me to go to Guatemala (well he invited a lot of people, but after I wrote him and then sort of “let it go”, he wrote me back and invited me so I said “why not”) and I’m now sitting in the Miami airport. It’s a long story and I’ll write more about this specifically soon, but suffice it to say, it will hopefully be a time of MindFULLness, both now, and for the future. You can follow us here if you want:
http://goinswriter.com/guatemala-vision-trip/
Twitter: #wreckguate
and I’d sure appreciate some prayers for safe traveling, and an open and mindFULL heart and mind and for physical health/issues to not complicate the trip. I don’t know a single soul going, but I sure am excited about what promises at least to be one of the craziest things I’ve (willingly) done.
So- WW#5 lesson is one I know I need to continue to work on- being mindFULL, having my mind FULLY IN the moment- whatever/wherever that is. Honestly, I am about 99% better at this than I was at any other time in my life but all the THINGS and THOUGHTS pulling at me constantly are always threatening to make me jump back into MindLESSness that is the opposite of that peaceful/simple life I’m after. I’m wondering if this resonates with anyone? If so- I’d love to hear your thoughts- what do you do to stay MindFULL of the moments you are in? Is it possible? Do you notice when you slip out of that or only afterwards?
Ok- off to meet my new friends…and spend some mindFULL moments in Guatemala.

Food for Thought (WW #3 and #4)

Posted on January 30, 2013 by Dawn Muench under Fruit of the spirit, Whispered Wednesdays

WW #3 was tough. Not for any one specific reason, but it was just one of those tough days- we all have them. At some point during that 24 hours, I was hungry, thirsty, tired, bored, uncomfortable, annoyed, stressed (for myself and for others), hopeless, frustrated, annoyed (again), unsure, anxious and did I say hungry. I was “hungry” for food, drink, peace, assurance, a hot shower (not allowed), absence of stress, work or responsibility, strength, wisdom, assurance, health, stability.

I realized during that day, that when I have those “tough” days, moments, situations- there are a lot of things I typically do to “feel better”. Things like eat, drink, shop, cry, take a bath, revert, do mean things, get impatient, become overly sensitive, shut down, over-react, avoid things I know might make me feel better, vent, forget all of the above. That day, with some of my normal “de-stress” techniques off limits, I was finding it REALLY hard to even settle down and get through the day.

Later that night as I was drinking a cup of tea in a hot bath (after a vote from the family I decided this was allowed) I started thinking about things in a medical sense. When you are physically hungry or not eating, your blood sugar can get low. Symptoms of hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) are fatigue, confusion, dizziness, heaviness, anxiety, headaches and eventually unconciousness. We are less able to cope with even simple or small thing/decisions and have trouble making simple choices. When we are “hungry” we are less able to cope in general- we are more defensive, more insecure, more paranoid, more anxious, less patient, less calm, less peaceful. And I started thinking about how all the people in the world- all of us- are “hungry” for something. Some of “us” are truly hungry for food- even here in the United States. Some are hungry for clean water, but also for safety, for security, for health, for wealth/money enough to live and money enough to live well. People are hungry for physical touch, for assurance, for encouragment, hope, acceptance, sanity, friendship, love…the list goes on and on. But the truth is, “hunger” or low amounts of any of these can cause the same symptoms as true hunger or low blood sugar. How many people do we meet every day that are impatient? But maybe they are just hungry for time- to get home and be with their family. What about the people that are slow and uncertain and unhelpful? Maybe they are hungry for security, or friendship, or assurance. What about those people who are just plain out mean? Maybe they are hungry for health and safety for their children, for absence of pain for themselves, for a minute of peace in their life. And then- what if we “fed” those people? What if everyone was given what they needed for their particular “hunger”? Whether it’s a hug, a kind word, a meal, a dollar, a word or action of forgiveness, a cup of water, a prayer, a shirt, an explanation- what if we all fed each other what we needed to be “full”. Well, I don’t know what would happen, but I do know what happens when you give someone with low blood sugar/hunger what they need- sugar: they feel better. And the great majority of the time they are thankful. Food for thought for sure.

Thank God, literally, WW #4 was quiet, uneventful and peaceful. And somehow, month one is almost over and there are 48 Wednesdays to go in 2013. I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes!

Uncomfortable with Discomfort (WW #2)

Posted on January 11, 2013 by Dawn Muench under Whispered Wednesdays

Whispered Wednesday #2 (9 Jan 2013)

I started this day feeling a little like I was cheating. I had scheduled a procedure for this day several weeks ago, and only realized last week that it was going to fall on a Wednesday. The procedure requires me to not eat or drink for several hours beforehand, so that kind of felt like cheating when part of my focus on these Wednesdays is dealing with the temptation to NOT stick with the plan for “fasting” from things- food, spending, “drama”, media etc. As the day went on however I found a very obvious theme playing out. I realized I am not at all comfortable with being uncomfortable. I did not physically feel well Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday of this week, and it was very uncomfortable- literally. I was unsettled in my mind and heart about a couple of issues related to work that needed to be addressed but were not “fun” topics at all and so I’d been putting it off. That was uncomfortable. I was hungry and REALLY thirsty (I hadn’t planned enough ahead and had enough water before I had to STOP drinking water) and that was really uncomfortable. There were five people weighing on my heart for different reasons and that was also contributing to my overall discomfort. I was “behind schedule” before I even woke up- also uncomfortable. As the day wore on and I tried to focus on and pray for the three families I’m supporting this year, I found some overall comfort in that focus, but I found it hard to STAY focused on that.

The day continued. During the procedure I woke up a little from the sedation and was REALLY uncomfortable (before you feel too bad for me, I fell right back out and only have a vague memory of this). This has only happened once before so I thought about the relatedness of this physical discomfort to the mental, spiritual, emotional, total discomfort I was feeling that day. When I woke later that night, I was really hungry and wanted to eat what I wanted so was really uncomfortable with just having fruit. It was a delicious bowl of 8 different kinds of fruit, and more than adequate nutrition, calories and amount but I was still uncomfortable b/c it wasn’t what I wanted. I realized later that night that I’d forgotten to pay for something that had a deadline and wanted to do it right then- not major, but uncomfortable because I like to check things off my list and now this would have to wait. In addition, I felt physically better, but not 90% better which is how I usually feel after this procedure.

Ok- so you get the point. Wednesday was an uncomfortable day. When I woke up Thursday, it was one of those days that you feel in your skin is “out to get you” and my skin was not proved wrong…from the early morning until I fell asleep it was another frustrating day.

What I realized about halfway through this 48 hours is that I am REALLY uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. Whether its a small pebble in my shoe while running, an unsettled conversation, a box on my “to-do” list, hunger or other physical discomforts, temperature (usually cold for me , feeling I was misunderstood or mistreated, having to wait (a big one) or any number of other interruptions to my perfect day- I am not comfortable with anything that causes me to be well…uncomfortable.

As I thought about this and the meaning behind it and how I could use it for good in some way in my life or others- Philippians 4:11-12 was brought to mind…you may know well the following verse (Phil 4:13- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me) but right before that Paul says: “…..for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want”. Now I am in no way comparing myself to Paul and any of the situations he found himself in. Nor am I comparing myself to anyone in the world who truly lives in hunger, need or want. In fact just the opposite. I am wondering how I can know what it is to be content “in want” when I am never IN want?! I realized that I don’t even allow room in my life to EXPERIENCE “need” or “want” or discomfort. If I want to eat (even if I”m not sure I’m hungry)- I eat. If I want water, I drink. If I want sleep, I sleep. If I want to spend money- I hit the button. If I want to go, do, see, be, buy whatever- I just do it. Many times without even thinking about it. But here’s the main point of this post- by doing that, I think I (we?) are increasing discomfort, dissatisfaction, impatience, un-gracefulness- all those things I don’t want to be. We are used to having what we want when we want it and when I at least, don’t get my way, it’s often “not pretty”.

What I realized throughout all of this very uncomfortable 48 hours is that I was learning to deal with the discomfort more appropriately, more quietly, less publicly and with less need for apologies and guilt afterwards. I was able to focus on reading my Bible and praying and letting the discomfort teach me things (patience, empathy, self-control, tolerance, forgiveness, grace, peace). These may be things you do on a regular basis but for this “highly sensitive”, drama-prone, black-and-white, perfectionist girl, it is a milestone I am putting in the “plus” column of this second WW. I am by no means saying I have this down but I have at least recognized it and can find ways to address it, sit with it, let it teach.

2 Wednesdays down, 50 to go. I’ve already learned so much and am hoping you’ll share some of the things you learning this year too. Anyone else “get” what I’m saying? How is your life uncomfortable- where is it uncomfortable? How do you deal with that? Do you think I’m crazy? Have you ever intentionally created discomfort? Is there value in discomfort? For you? For your kids? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Whispered Wednesdays (WW #1)

Posted on January 4, 2013 by Dawn Muench under Gratitude, Intentional living, MIssionaries (aka Jesus followers), Whispered Wednesdays

Wednesday January 2 I went to bed hungry but happy.

It all started a few months ago, when I started feeling this urge to be more intentional with my life- my thoughts, spending habits, time, interactions with people, words, hobbies….my life. It sort of made sense with many of the changes I’ve had in the past few months and years and as I’ve begun thinking about “life after the Army” (which I still don’t have quite figured out, but that’s a story for another day). As I continued to think about this, I kept seeing little confirmations in the form of books, blog posts, texts, conversations, songs and poems and over the weeks before Christmas it sort of all started coming together a little more, well…intentionally. I began to think more seriously about how I could actually do this- live more intentionally and simply. And not just in general, but specifically, in ways that were painful enough at times for me to actually feel it and have to think about it. I have been called a “bleeding heart” more than once in my life, but what I was thinking about was more than this- more than an emotional one-time experience, but instead I really wanted to find a way to live this next year differently.

As I started sketching out my ideas and thoughts and plan, I also began to focus on how I could turn this “inward” project more outward to use what I hoped to experience and learn to help or support others. There are 3 families I support who are involved with international ministries, and they kept coming to mind as I was in this stage of the planning. I won’t go into details for privacy and safety sake, (hopefully I’ll be able to tell you more about them in the coming weeks) but for now I’ll just say they are living in and/or working with peoples from: China, the Middle East and Ethiopia. I started to think of ways I could support them with this plan that was beginning to come together and was excited as the thoughts and ideas kept coming. I continued to think and read and pray about it and eventually had a plan that was alternatingly exciting, fun and terrifying to think about.

In the weeks to follow, I’ll hopefully have more to say, but for today- I just needed to get this post out there- to write it and hit “publish”. Mainly because up until now, other than one person, I haven’t told anyone the specifics of this, the name of it or the timeframe of it. I discussed my thoughts and ideas in general with lots of people, but I was still deciding if this was going to be an intermittent thing, a “do it if and when I feel like it thing”, a “January thing” or a year long thing. From the beginning, I’d been feeling like it was something that needed to be more “intentional” (there’s that word again) and that comitting to do something for a year would be a pretty hard goal to meet. And so, a year it is. Which sounds really scary and hence the need to commit and make it official. And so I’m sharing with you:

Whispered Wednesdays:
A commitment to live more intentionally sacrificial in 2013 in support of personal growth and my faith in Him and 3 dear families who are living more sacrificially than I have ever dared.

On Wednesdays in 2013 I intend to:
- Be simple: no makeup, no jewelry, no spending money
- Eat simply: only fruit, or food that the poorest in each of these countries might eat on a given day
- Live simply and quietly: using candles, resting (so no aerobic exercise)
- Pray for these three families and the peoples they are working with, as well as support these families more tangibly with encouragement (emails, packages, letters, money)
- Focus on the lives of those less fortunate around me and concentrate on gratitude when I am feeling the effects of living this more “simple” life on Wednesdays.

And that’s essentially it in outline form. There will be more, but as I said for now, I just wanted to get it out there for accountability and “realness” sake. Looking back over this list, even now- it gets me more than a little nervous. No makeup? I don’t even wear much makeup but what if there’s a party in 2013 that falls on a Wednesday? No makeup and no jewelry? And no spending? What if I need gas or toothpaste? And limited food? Wednesdays are often days to meet up with friends for a drink or snack? And no aerobic exercise? What if I need to run that day? This is not going to be easy but that’s sort of the point. Will I make it a whole year? I don’t know. I’m really going to try and I hope you’ll encourage me to stick with it if you see me slacking. My goal is to write here weekly, even if just a short entry to stay accountable.

I’ll write more about Wednesday #1 next time. It went surprisingly well. Until I was deciding which bottle of wine to drink with my dinner of rice and beans, and realized that the average person in these countries does not drink wine.

Meet me at the corner of Fear, Pain and Strength

Posted on June 26, 2012 by Dawn Muench under Uncategorized

“Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomiatable will”. Mahatma Gandhi

You know how sometimes it seems like everywhere you look, go, read, see, ARE that you see the same themes cropping up? Like suddenly, no matter what you are doing, there is a seemingly random reference to sunflowers, or flowing rivers, or forgiveness? Yes? Well, for me lately (as in the last two years but particulary in the last month) for me that “theme” has been the crossroads between fear, pain and strength. It’s sort of easy to see how they relate and overlap, but it’s also easy to overlook the role each plays in the other. It’s easy to say cliche’-ly “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” (or to perhaps sing along with others who’ve made a lot of money turning that into a pretty kick-butt workout song). But I don’t think I’ve really appreciated the role of fear in making us stronger. Or more accurately, the strength that can come from facing your fears. Which often involve pain, or at least the fear of pain.

In the last 2 months I’ve run two marathons, climbed a couple of mountains (small ones but none-the-less), put myself out there for several super-scary things, taken steps toward some long-hidden secret ambitions and opened myself up in several areas that could result in some pretty significant pain. It’s been sort of terrifying and sort of exhiliarating. At mile 17 of marathon number two this weekend- I learned a very concrete lesson about Pain and Strength. The pain was there- oh my was it there- but the Strength that emerged as I just kept going, well…..that one I still don’t truly understand but somehow the endurance through physical pain re-inforced the importance of the endurance in all the other areas of my life and the more the pain, the stronger I started feeling mentally. ( I realize it’s possible I lost some of you here- it’s hard to explain!)

As I kept running (and incidentally it was a good time to pray for those I know are going through painful or fearful times and needing some strength) I started thinking of all the places this concept had been weaving itself into and out of my life. I thought of a quote by Ernest Hemingway I’d just read in Scott Jurek’s book http://http://www.amazon.com/Eat-Run-Unlikely-Ultramarathon-Greatness/dp/0547569653/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1340715581&sr=8-1&keywords=eat+and+run (which incidentally I highly recommend for anyone/everyone to read regardless of your diet/fitness goals/level- very motivating!):
“The world breaks everyone, and afterwards, some are strong at the broken places.” YES! (I apparently need to read more about Ernest Hemingway).

I thought then of Kristen Armstrong’s book that I’m reading sort of like a devotional- one section at a time before bed: http://www.amazon.com/Mile-Markers-Important-Reasons-Women/dp/1609611063/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1340715847&sr=1-1&keywords=kristen+armstrong (also HIGHLY recommended if you are female again regardless of whether or not you think you have anything in common with her, b/c I promise you, you do!). She says (and I quote from pg 145):
“Recently my friend Dawn gave me a quotable card that says: Do one thing every day that scares you. Eleanor Roosevelt”. (This one is actually “funny” b/c I (Dawn) JUST SENT THIS CARD to one of you reading this- and I won’t say who b/c I know for a fact you haven’t gotten it yet!) but it was just another affirmation of the lesson I think I’m supposed to be learning.

So I could go on and on, but we all need to get to our work for the day so I’ll just say this:
There have been alot of changes in my life in the last few years- and I realize we could ALL say that, which was sort of the prompt for this post. There are things that the June 26, 2012 me has seen/done/survived/been strengthened by that would have laid low and completely annihilated the June 26, 2010 or June 26, 2008 me. There are things the “now me” would NEVER choose to go through again (and by never I mean NEVER) but that I would also NEVER trade the lessons I’ve learned BY going through those things. Lessons I couldn’t and wouldn’t have learned any other way. And so, here I stand on the corner of Fear (some conquered, some newly emerging), pain (some good, some bad) and STRENGTH and I have to say, I’m getting more comfortable here. As I thought this to myself this weekend, I asked myself “Now how in the world is THAT possible”? And I realized, once again (as I have realized so many times in this crazy unpredictable thing we call life) that it’s because of the support, strength, confidence and encouragement that I get from watching, listening and receiving from all of you who have also spent time on this corner! Some of you were here years ago and I saw you and how you carried yourself while waiting on your transportation away from here and some of you stop by to see me regularly here. And now I know, that without your conversation, perspective, encouragement, love and support- well, I’d be stuck on this corner for a long long time without really SEEING it. So- how about it? Is anyone hearing what I’m saying? Anyone remember the sights and smells from here on the corner? Anyone drink their morning coffee from the mug you bought here? Anyone just finding yourself here? If so, come on over and find me- I’m the one wearing the T-shirt with the Hemingway qoute on it.

cupsrunningover

Encouragement for this "run" we call life, because as C. S. Lewis said, "If one could run without getting tired, I don't think one would often want to do anything else".